Operation STATUE and Operation LIES
by Darkton93
Summary: In STATUE, a fateful DVD easter egg may be the one connection Numbuh 2 and 4 have with strange, misshapen art projects. In LIES, Nigel awakens to find the world isn't quite as he remembers it... Both: Scary. STATUE: Doctor Who adaptation.
1. Operation STATUE

**Pre-Reading Notes: Might be scary for young children**

 **Hypothetical Voice Cast:**

 **The Professor: KeikoAndGilly**

 **Wade: KeikoAndGilly or Hank Azaria**

* * *

 **NOW LOADING**

 **Kids Next Door Mission**  
 **Operation: S.T.A.T.U.E.**

 **Stone**  
 **Terrors**  
 **Attack**  
 **Tweens**  
 **Unbelievably**  
 **Effectively**

 **Writing Operatives: Lieutenant Darkton**  
 **Original Mission Director: Mr. Warburton**

Ah, the video rental shop! The place where one can pick out movies and watch them before you buy them, wasting only $3 instead of $30 dollars. Truly a magnificent place!

Except that they're largely being replaced by subscription-based streaming sites. In fact, the shop Numbuh 2 and Numbuh 4 went to had a large "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE!" sign atop the main logo.

"There goes another one," Numbuh 2 mused.

"So what?" Numbuh 4 said. "We could get something just the same on Streamer."

Numbuh 2 grabbed hold of Numbuh 4. "Are you crazy? What about the special features? The DVD games? The deleted scenes? The outtakes? You can't get those on Streamer!"

"Um… you do know ya can't get extras off rental DVDs, right?"

"Well, they're selling old stock, that usually has the extras. Let's go pick something out!" Numbuh 2 walked to the door.

"Sure thing!" Numbuh 4 was just about to enter the store when he noticed something across the street from the store. A most positively hideous statue. It appeared to be a misshapen humanoid shape constructed out of iron bars. The bars were even slightly rusty and…

"NUMBUH 4! Today!" prodded Numbuh 2, bringing him back.

"Oh, right." Numbuh 4 then walked into the store.

However, another random passer by walking down the street caught wind of the statue. What struck him was what a peculiar thing this object was. Was this supposed to be someone's idea of art? It simply looked nothing short of tacky, and its poor construction utterly failed to grasp the proportions of the human body. Was this supposed to be some kind of joke? Was this the face of public art? Why, just looking at it made the man feel weak.

So weak, in fact, that the man keeled over right then and there, gasping his last breath.

Meanwhile, in the video store, Numbuhs 2 and 4 looked through the Sci-Fi, action and animation aisles, picking out their favorites. They then brought them to the desk. "I'll have these, thank you very much!" Numbuh 2 said.

"Where are your parents?" the clerk asked.

"They let us out for fun sometimes. What matters is that we've got fresh allowances!" Numbuh 2 laid down the money on the table.

"Hmm… well, that looks about right when you take the discount into account. You wanna keep those when you're done?"

"Why not? You're goin' outta business anyway."

"Great! Thank you, don't bother coming again!"

As the two walked out, Numbuh 4 noticed something. "Where's the statue?"

"Huh?"

"You know, there was this iron man guy and he looked so ugly and…"

Numbuh 2 shot him a confused look.

"Forget it. Let's watch this stuff." Numbuh 4 walked off, following Numbuh 2's lead.

What they did not realize was that the statue, despite being stationary, was on the other side of the road, almost turning as if it were watching them.

After the end of the Sci-Fi movie, Numbuh 2 hit the fast forward button.

"Numbuh 2," Numbuh 4 said, "what're you doin'?

"Trust me," Numbuh 2 said.

"But it's just credits."

"No, just wait."

There was, in fact, a tag scene after the credits. Inside the wreck that was once the enemy cruiser, a hand that belonged to the main villain crawled out from the wreckage. "Not yet… not yet," it said.

"Whoa! Think there's gonna be another movie?" Numbuh 4 said.

"Nope. It was a box office bomb. Everyone went to see the R-rated comedy instead."

"What, ya mean the gross one about…" Numbuh 4 shuddered.

"Pretty much."

"Man, I'll never get adults."

"Okay, now it's time for the cool part!" Numbuh 2 hit the menu options, found an Easter Egg, and triggered it. A young boy in a brown suit with a green tie, a button nose and slightly messy brown hair sat down.

"So… what's this?"

"Allo, chaps!" the boy said in a Yorkshire accent. "I'm the Professor."

"It's… a boring extra," Numbuh 4 said.

"Yes I did," the recording of the Professor said.

"What's up with him?"

"It's so cool!" Numbuh 2 said.

"And that," said the recorded Professor.

"It's basically a one-sided conversation…"

"That, too."

"…between someone else and this Professor guy."

"Are you gonna repeat all o' it?"

"This had better get exciting…" Numbuh 4 mumbled.

"Like I said, I'm the Professor…"

Time passed, it continued to be boring.

"Eh, people don't get time travel. It's complex."

The phone rang. "Hold on, I gotta get this. Bet it's that guy from the Egg Collectors!" Numbuh 2 walked off.

"Very complex."

"I'm too tired to move away…" Numbuh 4 mused. "I guess I can fill in the convo' myself."

The Professor shrugged and sighed. "People keep thinking time is like this straight line, but I say, no, look, it's actually a lot closer to a ball of yarn."

"Heh. Ball of yarn. What a quack."

"We-e-ell, when you think 'bout it hard enough, it makes sense."

"Huh, that's weird. Like that guy can hear me."

"Actually, I _can_ hear you."

Numbuh 4 yelped, took the disk out of the DVD player and held it in his hands. "This thing's possessed or somethin'! I gotta take it to an expert on demons."

Numbuh 4 walked along the path to the castle of Numbuh 1897, legendary Kids Next Door vampire, ghost and demon hunter. Along the way, he kept noticing odd art wrecks. One was a large green tower with an ugly square up top, another, a Viking ship made of bicycle parts. Numbuh 4 couldn't help looking at them, but whenever he blinked, they had a tendency to disappear, only to reappear in a different location. "Numbuh 1897's got a creepy thing going on." He said to himself.

At last, he reached Numbuh 1897's castle, a medieval church-style complex with stained-glass windows depicting abstract patterns and a dingey overall grey look. At a desk inside the castle foyer sat Numbuh 1897, a boy with long grey hair, a black trenchcoat with a white button-down shirt underneath and a black fedora. "Welcome to my castle," he said with the accent of a vampire hunter. "Do you have any ghost hamsters, nerd zombies or spank-happy vampires that need to be defeated?"

"Well, actually," Numbuh 4 said, "I've got this possessed DVD."

"What makes you think it's possessed?"

"Well, when I started riffin' on it, thing responded to what I had to say."

"Numbuh 4, have you ever heard of a coincidence?"

"Of course I have! Whadya think I am, stupid?"

"Do you know how demons work?"

"What? Yes, I do."

"I don't think you do."

"It's easy! Take an object or somethin', put yourself innit, and then scare people for fun."

"See, that's not how demons work. Demons require a human host. A Greater Demon takes on the body of a human, gaining control over its thoughts and actions. They then create Lesser Demons with reduced intelligence to infect and transform anything they get their hands on. A Greater Demon can transform, too, but it usually prefers to assume a human body. Lesser Demons, on the other hand can't assume the original form of the thing they infect. And, for the record, Demons' objectives are usually determined by which of the seven deadly sins they take after. There's no sin for just scaring people."

"Huh. Well, could you just check out to see if this is still hit by a ghost or somethin' just to make sure?"

"Again, ghosts work differently than you think they do. Besides, I recognize this DVD. Every copy of it has a DVD extra that's a one-sided conversation. Where did it respond to you?"

"Eh, when it started talkin' 'bout time travel."

"Ah, one of the lines on it is 'Actually, I can hear you,' shortly after that point. It's not possessed. Any real emergencies you have for me?"

"… not really."

"Then if you'll excuse me, I have clients I need to wait for."

"Fine. By the way, that angel statue is gross." Numbuh 4 walked off.

"Angel statue?" commented Numbuh 1897. True enough, inside the room was a water fountain, a statue of a cherub up top. This littlest angel appeared to be peeing into the water. "Not only is that gross, it's never been here before." Numbuh 1897 peered intently at the statue. Someone must have put it there when he wasn't looking. It was most peculiar. "Wait a minute, I heard rumors of these objects that only really look like statues when you… look at… them…"

Numbuh 1897 couldn't go on. He breathed on final time before dying then and there. The Cherub now sported a toothy grin, teeth rather sharp.

At Lime Ricky's soda bar, one of the bartenders answered the phone. "Password," the boy said with a Brooklyn accent.

Chad was on the other line. "I'm here to see Lime Ricky's."

"You check out. Whadya want?"

"I'm looking for Chuck."

"Chuck?"

"Yeah, Chuck. Last name, Aholik."

"Lemme check." The boy turned to the customers. "Phone call for Chuck. Chuck Aholik. Is there a chocoholic here?"

The bar patrons laughed. They admired the joke.

The bartender was less than amused. "Waida minute…" Chad laughed on the other end with his friends. "Listen ta me ya lil' teen traitor jackwagon, if I ever find out where you are I'll decommission you myself!" The bartender slammed the phone down.

"You'll get him someday, Wade," Numbuh 2 said.

"Eh, I dunno. Guys tough ta trace. Keeps movin' 'round the place."

"So, who's the new guy?" one of Numbuh 2's friends asked.

"One of the replacement guys," Numbuh 2 replied. "He took over the shop when Lime Ricky got captured."

"By the way, is the search for him still going on?"

"Yep. I think they're getting close."

"Now, then! This meeting of the Egg Collector's community will come to order!" a KND nerd said. "What shall we talk about today?"

"How 'bout the one on _Journey Through the Nebula_?" a member said.

"Yeah, I was wondering, about the Rachel on there," Numbuh 2 said, "she looks like an older Numbuh 362, Numbuh 362's name is also Rachel; think she's the same girl?"

"Nah, the Professor said she's different in that egg. Doncha remember?"

"Oh, right."

"I'm a little interested on what they were talking about with the Cherubim," another member said. "I've been seeing these weird art thingies all over town lately. Think they're related?"

"I'm a little curious why the same egg shows up on five different DVDs," the first member said.

Numbuh 2 perked up. "Wait," he said. "What are those DVDs?"

"Why, _Journey Through the Nebula_ , _The Lion and the Unicorn_ , _Shootout_ , _Mass Attack_ , and _Beware the Venusians_."

"Okay, that's really weird. I just bought those DVDs today."

"Wait, could the message be meant for you?" the leader asked.

"Well, it's possible, but…"

The phone rang again. Wade picked it up. "Password," he said.

This time, Numbuh 4 was on the other end. "I'm here ta see Lime Ricky."

"You check out. Wassup?"

"Is Hoagie there?"

"Who?"

"Hoagie Gilligan."

"Ahh… looking fer Hoagie? Hoagie Gilligan?" Wade's tone turned to anger. "Listen ta me, you; when I catch ya, I'm gonna pour hot coffee all over yer face and watch it melt right off yer-"

"Wait! He's talking about me!" Numbuh 2 said.

"Whoa! Sorry, little guy. Though ya were that teen Chad. 'Ere ya go, Numbuh 2."

"Yello!"

"Yeah, you're not gonna believe this," Numbuh 4 said, "there's like this weird box over here." To be precise, there was a modern police box, white with blue accents and square with windows inside it. "A bunch of bad art stuff is around it, some of 'em even inside it. When I look at the not-art for too long, I get sick."

Numbuh 2 paused as he took a while to fully grasp what was going on. "Numbuh 4, meet me back at the Treehouse. We need to watch that Easter Egg again."

Back at the Treehouse, Numbuh 2 inserted the DVD into the player.

"I don't get why we have to do this," Numbuh 4 said. "It's a boring documentary thingy."

"I think it's some kinda message," Numbuh 2 replied. "Like it was meant for us." Numbuh 2 activated the egg and got out a notepad. "Okay, just… try talking to it. See what happens."

"That sounds absolutely crazy, but… fine." Numbuh 4 turned to the recording of the Professor. "Um… hi."

"'Allo, chaps! I'm the Professor."

"Err… did you hear that?"

"Yes, I did."

"Um…'kay. Can't believe he heard that!"

"And that."

"But, you're just a recording, you couldn't hear all that!"

"That, too."

"But, you're just programmed to say, 'Blah, blah hello, blah, blah yes I heard that, and that,"

"Are you gonna repeat all o' it?"

Numbuh 4 paused. "Go on."

"Like I said, I'm the Professor. Former occupation time-traveler, present occupation child stuck in 1943."

Another girl with long blonde hair, a blue shirt and jeans and brown eyes stepped into frame. "Don't forget teen abductor!" Her voice sounded familiar. "Secrets of the universe he said,"

"Rachel…"

"…time and space all to ourselves he said; now I've gotta support him!"

"Rachel, I'm trying to have a discussion."

"Sorry." Rachel left the frame.

"Waidaminute…" Numbuh 4 said, "Rachel's Numbuh 362's name; is that her?"

"Sorry, not the same Rachel," the Professor seemingly replied.

"Well, she looks a lot like…"

"It's not her."

"Hold on… how do you know what I'm gonna say bazillions of years before I say it?"

"It's only 62 years."

"Who cares? How do you know what I'm gonna say?"

"Eh, people don't get time travel. It's complex."

"Can't be that bad…."

"Very complex."

"Don't give me that! I'm not an idiot! I get stuff! Tell me how it works!"

The Professor shrugged and sighed."People keep thinking time is like this straight line, but I say, no, look, it's actually a lot closer to a ball of yarn."

"Hey, I remember this. Next you'll say it makes sense."

"We-e-ell, when you think 'bout it hard enough, it makes sense."

"Next thing you'll say is, 'actually, I can hear you.'"

"Actually, I can hear you."

"Okay, then how?"

"We-e-ell, not actually hear you, just know what you're going to say."

"What, am I so predictable you can record your side in advance?"

"That, and I'm having help." The Professor pointed to his right.

Numbuh 2 continued to take notes. "This is so cool!" he said. "The secrets of the Professor Easter Egg, revealed at last!"

"What're you doing?" Numbuh 4 asked.

"Oh, writing down your bits. I'm gonna show them to the Egg Collectors."

"He showed them to me, too," the Professor seemingly replied. "I've got the script on cue cards. A friend of a friend of a family member's gonna put them on some DVDs."

"How'd you know how to do _that_?" Numbuh 4 asked.

"Ahem. Time-traveler. Ball of yarn." The Professor crossed his arms.

"Well, where'd you get the stuff?"

"Look, we don't have time to discuss this. You can hear me, I can hear you. Great. Now, did you see a Police Box?"

"Solid blue rectangle or white and blue square?"

Numbuh 2 looked at him as if he had seen something he shouldn't have.

"What, I like the action scenes! The new one's better than the old!"

"White and blue," the Professor replied nonplussed..

"Yeah, I saw it."

"And those weird art wrecks? You see those, too?"

At this time, a group of misshapen statues made of various materials including wood, plastic and paper mache, had taken up places just) inside the Treehouse.

"Yeah, I've seen 'em," Numbuh 4 said. "They keep moving around."

"Oh dear. They're actually extraterrestrials known as Cherubim. They're based around the Schrodinger Effect. Whenever they're not being looked at, by say, blinking, they are simultaneously in a state of both dead and alive. They will either be destroyed, or moved to another location, and they are _fast_. Unkillable, too."

"So what, we just not blink when we look at them?"

"That's even worse. When people stare at them, they feed off the life energy from them and use it to power themselves. They can kill the victim within a few seconds."

Meanwhile, the Cherubim were now much closer to the DVD room inside the Treehouse. "That's why they take the forms of such hideous don't want to notice them, but they're so bizarre you find it hard to look away. They stay in populated places and they feed, knowing that their victims can't help but look at them. And, sorry to say, it's up to you to stop them. To save me as well as yourselves."

"'Kay, so what do I do?"

"That box is my time machine. Get inside and send it back to me. There's two of you, right, so that's enough to pilot it."

"Okay, then what?" He sat staring at the screen while the Professor said nothing. " _Well_?!"

"Oh, sorry. Looks like I'm out of dialogue from you. Either you're dead by now, or you're about to be. If you're dead, then you have my sincerest apology. If not, the Cherubim are very close. Don't look at them for too long, and don't look away from them for too long either., Just run to the box and don't stop for _anything_. Good luck."

"No! No, come back, Prof! Numbuh 2, rewind it!"

"Rewind what, a prophesy? Are you kidding?" Numbuh 2 blurted. "It won't work." He then caught wind of something. "Uh… Numbuh 4?" His voice started to crack in fear.

Numbuh 4 looked at what Numbuh 2 was looking at.

It was a museum lion statue, poised to pounce!

Both children screamed in terror, and swirled around. That's when they saw several other Cheribum ready to strike.

"Okay, don't look at them, don't look away from them…" Numbuh 2 quivered.

"No problem… I'm gonna close my eyes, and when I open them up, it's gonna be gone." Numbuh 4 did so. When he opened them up, the lion was even closer to him, claws near his face.

"We should run! Don't look back!" The two did so, Cheribum in hot pursuit.

Numbuh 2 followed Numbuh 4 to the street. "Okay, you know where the box is, don't you?" Numbuh 2 said.

"'Course I do! I think…"

"Better find out soon!" Cherubim of all kind of hideous shapes and sizes continued to move to block them.

Eventually, they fell upon the police box surrounded by scores of Cherubim blocking the door.

"Okay, get back, Numbuh 4," Numbuh 2 said. "We need to be far away from them so we can blink and get to the door." He steadied himself with a deep breath. "Alright. On the count of three. One, two… BLINK!"

The two did. Some Cherubim were destroyed, but others got even closer to them.

"Wow! They _are_ fast!" Numbuh 4 said.

"Run!" They rushed through the door, only to find that the interior of the box wasn't quite what they expected. It was a high-tech sleek white room with a control center in the middle. And not only that… "It's smaller on the outside!"

The box began to shake as Cherubim tried to force the two out. A hologram of the Professor appeared. "'Allo, chaps! I'm…"

"HOW DO WE WORK THIS THING?!" the two operatives screamed.

"Funny, I thought you were gonna say that. Aight… get to the controls. I'll highlight the buttons you need to press."

The operatives bolted to the controls, pushing the buttons in the order they saw them light up. When they did, the outer edges of the box appeared to fade out of existence. However, that left the boys open to the Cherubim, gathered around them in a circle. The operatives hugged each other in terror, screaming for their mothers, alternating between looking at the Cherubim and not looking at them.

Suddenly, all of the statues cracked and crumbled to pieces, effectively utterly destroyed.

"What… happened?" Numbuh 4 asked.

"I dunno… wait… AHA!" Numbuh 2 said. "They were all looking at each other. They were feeding on themselves!"

"So… is it over? Are they gone now?"

"I guess so…"

 **Five days Later…**

Numbuh 2 and 4 watched as the demolition crew destroyed the video rental shop. Numbuh 2 was holding a folder. "You know, I think fate was smiling on us that day. If it weren't for us picking up those DVDs, we'd never have saved the day."

"Eh, it's just luck," Numbuh 4 said. "By the way, what's in the folder?"

"A message for the Professor, should we ever meet him. I mean, he has to get advice from somewhere."

True enough, the police box materialized in a flash of light, and the Professor stepped out, with Rachel in tow. "So, let's see," he said, looking around disapprovingly. "I've reincarnated into a young boy, I'm nowhere near London and may never see it again. Good start."

"I wouldn't worry about it, Professor. I'd be happy to see London with you if you like it so much," Rachel said.

"Ah, it's not so much that, I'm just gonna have to get my chips and crisps in order. It's gonna be weird using so many unfamiliar words…"

"Oh, hey! It's Numbuh 2 and 4!" squealed Rachel as she waved to the boys.

"Wait, you KNOW those two?!"

"Yep, I used to be their superior officer…"

"AAAAH!" The Professor pulled down Rachel. "Listen! For the sake of the timeline, it's imperative that you not act like you know them! Pretend that you've never met them before. If you don't, time will completely unravel, and we'd be stuck with Wooly Mammoths in the future!"

"So, basically keep doing what I've been doing?"

"We-e-ell, pretty much."

"Hey, you got a moment, mister?" Numbuh 2 said, walking up to the two.

"Oh! 'Allo, young chap! I'm the Professor!"

"Yeah, I know. You're welcome for the help with the box retrieval."

"Box retrieval? Why, I never asked you to get me anything. Although, it could be that time's throwing me a curveball. Funny thing about time, it's not a straight line, it's more like…"

Both Numbuh 2 and the Professor spoke at once. "…a ball of yarn?"

The Professor did a double take. "Have we met?"

Numbah 2 looked down and fidgeted. "Nnnnnnot yet. Oh, you're going to need this." He handed the Professor his folder. "Just follow the instructions."

"We-e-ell, I hope this is important. Come along Rachel! BANZAI!"

The two returned to the box. "Banzai?" Rachel asked.

"My new favorite phrase. Isn't it awesome? Reminds me of trees a little, though."

The box disappeared into the void of time and space.

Back in the present, Numbuh 2 walked off in a different direction than Numbuh 4. "'ey! Where ya going?" Numbuh 4 asked.

"I'm going to Lime Ricky's! Gonna meet the Egg Collectors. They'll love what I just found! Alternate Reality Game of the century!"

"Whatever. I'm goin' home." He shrugged. The two walked off in different directions.

Later that day, A public artist was putting the last touches on his latest commission.. "There! That oughtta do it!" He looked at his so-called masterpiece. He had always believed that art should be as confusing as possible. After all, its ultimate meaning depended on an individual's interpretation. And now, with this pseudo-horse made of recycled newspapers, he could now truly claim to be an artist.

As he admired his work, his career was cut short, along with his life. All thanks to his newly-created Cherubim.

 **End Transmssion**

* * *

 **This was one half of the second Halloween special, published on Halloween one year after the first.**

 **"Ah, the video rental shop! The place where one can pick out movies and watch them before you buy them, wasting only $3 instead of $30 dollars. Truly a magnificent place!" I miss them oh so much. My big one was Hollywood Video. I'm sure you can relate.**

 **"So what?" Numbuh 4 said. "We could get something just the same on Streamer." Coming up with unique names for franchises is HAAAARD!**

 **"Um… you do know ya can't get extras off rental DVDs, right?" I didn't. The Editor reminded me.**

 **"A most positively hideous statue. It appeared to be a misshapen humanoid shape constructed out of iron bars. The bars were even slightly rusty and…" In case you couldn't tell, this episode is a parody of the Doctor Who episode "Blink". At the time, I was going through a big Doctor Who phase, helped by me encountering Doctor Whooves and Assistance during my Brony phase. The Cherubim, in particular, are based off the Weeping Angels, with a bit of the fandom parody Snarling Lions. The Angels disappear when you blink, the Lions kill you when you stare at them. The Cherubim add the effect of looking like bad public art because you can't help but look at them.**

 **"What struck him was what a peculiar thing this object was. Was this supposed to be someone's idea of art? It simply looked nothing short of tacky, and its poor construction utterly failed to grasp the proportions of the human body. Was this supposed to be some kind of joke? Was this the face of public art? Why, just looking at it made the man feel weak." I liked the Angels idea of only moving when the audience sees them. This is similar; the idea is that the camera is constantly focused on the Cherubim in particular, spreading its effect to the audience.**

 **"Thank you, don't bother coming again!"" Apu's catchphrase twisted.**

 **""Nope. It was a box office bomb. Everyone went to see the R-rated comedy instead."" When I wrote this, Pacific Rim suffered the same fate to Grown Ups. Audiences still regularly disappoint me with their choices in movies.**

 **"A young boy in a brown suit with a green tie, a button nose and slightly messy brown hair sat down." The Professor is based off The Doctor. His role in this episode was a recording in a DVD extra, so the Prof does the same. In particular, he's based off the David Tennant incarnation, with some elements of the Doctor Whooves and Assistant version.**

 **""People keep thinking time is like this straight line, but I say, no, look, it's actually a lot closer to a ball of yarn."" The Ball of Yarn Theory is based off the common phrase "Big Ball of Wibbly Wobbly, Timey Wimey Stuff", specifically Linkara's explanation of it. The theory says that everyone has their own personal timeline, and their intersections weave together like a ball of yarn.**

 **"Numbuh 4 walked along the path to the castle of Numbuh 1897, legendary Kids Next Door vampire, ghost and demon hunter." He's based off Van Helsing. His Numbuh is based off the year Dracula the novel was produced.**

 **"One was a large green tower with an ugly square up top, another, a Viking ship made of bicycle parts." I should mention that each Cherubim is based off real life public art. Yes, it really is that ugly.**

 **""Numbuh 4, have you ever heard of a coincidence?"**

 **"Of course I have! Whadya think I am, stupid?"**

 **"Do you know how demons work?"**

 **"What? Yes, I do."**

 **"I don't think you do."" More Team Four Star, episode 30.**

 **""Password," the boy said with a Brooklyn accent." Wade is based off Moe Syzlak. He starts off in charge of Lime Ricky's, but in later appearances he gets his own bar, Wade's Joint.**

 **""Phone call for Chuck. Chuck Aholik. Is there a chocoholic here?"" Based off the Simpsons prank call Al Kaholic.**

 **""Why, _Journey Through the Nebula_ , _The Lion and the Unicorn_ , _Shootout_ , _Mass Attack_ , and _Beware the Venusians_."" I'm terrible at naming things.**

 **"To be precise, there was a modern police box, white with blue accents and square with windows inside it." Believe it or not, this is not as bad copyright infringement as you think. The modern police box looks quite different from the Doctor's model. Just be glad it's not a phone booth.**

 **""What, am I so predictable you can record your side in advance?"" Based off a Dilbert quote from the show.**

 **""What, I like the action scenes! The new one's better than the old!"" Around this time, Doctor Who was continued with a more modern series that's easier for newcomers to get into. The same could be the case for Doctor Time and Space.**


	2. Operation LIES

**Pre-Reading Notes: Also scary, even scarier than STATUE.**

* * *

 **Now Loading:**  
 **Kids Next Door Mission**

 **Operation: L.I.E.S.**

 **Life**  
 **Is**  
 **Essentially**  
 **Simulated**

 **Writing Operatives: Lieutenant Darkton**  
 **Original Mission director: Mr. Warburton**

T'was a perfectly normal morning for a perfectly normal boy. Nigel Uno was fast asleep, dreaming the stuff of legends. "Take that, Nightbrace…" he mumbled. "This one's for kids everywhere…" He shortly thereafter woke up with a loud yawn.

It was at that point Nigel realized that something was wrong. "Wait a minute… is this my room? If that fight with Nightbrace was a dream, I most certainly went to bed in the Treehouse. What in the world is going on?"

He got out of bed, and prepared to put on his everyday outfit. However, he noticed something was not quite right. Where the sweater he wore normally had flared sleeves, the sleeves in this case were thick and normal. In addition, the sweater was adorned with a knit pattern, where previously it had no texture at all.

Finally, it was when he looked in the mirror that he saw the horror that lay before him. His head was a circle instead of an oval, his eyes were much larger, his mouth stayed on his head, his nose was a completely different shape, and he had brown hair. In essence, he looked more like what we would consider a realistic person.

It was enough to make the boy scream in terror.

Worried about him, his father rushed up to his room. "Gadzooks," he said, "what appears to be the problem, Nigel?"

Nigel was even more terrified. Whatever curse had afflicted him had also affected the world around him, as he noticed his father also shared this shape-shifting horror.. "What's going on?" he wailed. " Everyone's turned into monsters!"

"Now, Nigel, I believe we've already had this discussion about monsters in the closet."

"No, not that! I mean, I look different, you look different; it's like the world was hit with some transmogrification virus!"

Monty cocked his head and looked quizzically at his son. "Nigel, this is no time to play pretend."

"But… what about the oval head? The extended mouth? The beady eyes?"

"Nigel!" Monty said, in a much stricter tone. "I am honestly beginning to worry about you. There is absolutely nothing here to worry about. Everything's fine and dandy and that's the bottom line." Monty's tone picked up. " Now, your mother has made breakfast. Don't want to be late for school!"

"B-but… the eyes! And the… fine. I'll take the stupid breakfast." He hung his head and moped out of the room.

"Behave yourself", Monty admonished.

Nigel and Monty walked down the steps to the kitchen. True enough, Nigel's mother also sported the transformed appearance . "Hm, clearly whatever's going on is affecting everyone." Nigel said to himself.

"What's going on?" Mrs. Uno asked innocently.

"Oh, nothing!" Nigel said bashfully.

"Dearest, Nigel has been acting rather odd today," Monty said. "He acted like he had never seen me before… or himself, for that matter."

"It's probably just a phase," Mrs. Uno replied. "If you want me to arrange professional help, we should wait until things are well and truly wrong."

"A fair conclusion."

After this, Nigel paid the two no mind. He just simply ate his breakfast and tried to assess the situation. The house looked the same in the sense that everything was where it should've been, but it looked different in that its scale and texture did not match what he was used to. After finishing his breakfast, he got out of his seat. "Well, I had better prepare for school. I'll see you when I get home."

"Ta-ta, Nigel old boy!" said Monty.

"Have a good day!" added Mrs. Uno.

Nigel stepped out, backpack in tow. However, when he looked outside the house, he noticed something. The giant treehouse that was usually attached to his house was not there. "Okay," he said, "something is definitely going on." He was able to notice his friend Hoagie walking up to school, albeit without his aviator cap. "Hey, Numbuh 2?"

Hoagie continued his way to the bus stop.

"I'm addressing you, Numbuh 2!"

"You talkin' to me, Nigel?" Hoagie replied.

"You… called me Nigel? Not 'Numbuh 1?'"

"Why would I wanna call you that? It sounds dorky."

"Err… moving on, what happened to the treehouse?"

"The treehouse? It's in the backyard."

"No, I mean the ginormous treehouse that's attached to the house!"

"Nigel, have you been eating paint chips or something? 'Cause you're not making any sense."

"Wh…THIS doesn't make any sense. You're too young to have been decommissioned, and even if you were, it wouldn't explain why I remember everything. What on earth is going on?"

"Well, I gotta get on the bus. Maybe _you_ can get on the bus to the New Crazytown Home for the Crazy!" Hoagie laughed as he walked to the bus.

Nigel stepped on the bus himself. "Something's wrong. Very wrong."

The school was filled with students Nigel recognized from his old life. Numbuhs 3, 4 and 5 in one class, Numbuh 86 in his own classroom. When he saw her, he decided to walk up to her.

"Hey, Num… er, Francine?" he said.

"What can I do ya for, Nigel?" Francine said.

"I want to meet you during recess. I want to ask you a few questions."

"I don't see why not."

"By the way, you're acting surprisingly nice."

"Surprisingly? What's that supposed to mean?"

"Er… nothing." He sat at his desk, ready for the next lecture.

During recess, Nigel and Francine got together. "So, what'ya want, Nigel?" Francine said.

"I'm going to go for a game of word association. When I say a word, tell me the first word that comes to mind. Ahem… 86."

"Nothing."

"274."

"Still nothing."

"Father."

"Daddy."

"Boss."

"Nass."

"Delightful."

"Christmas."

"362."

"Degrees."

"Numbuh."

"If you mean 'number', math."

"1."

"First."

"Decommission."

"Nothing."

"Boys."

"Cute."

Nigel put his palm on his head. "No, no, this is all wrong!"

"What, were there answers I was supposed to say?"

"Yes! Don't you know anything about the Kids Next Door? The fight against adult tyranny?"

Francine laughed at Nigel. "You're so stupid! You actually believe there's some kinda conspiracy against kids?"

"Is your father not the head of Evil Adult Industries?"

"Okay, now you're just getting annoying. Cut it out!"

"It's the truth! This world is a lie!"

"No, Tinfoiler, _your_ world is a lie! Also, you're scaring me a little. I'm telling." Francine went for the nearest teacher.

"What, no!" Nigel ran after her. "They're part of the conspiracy! I bet they're the ones who did this! Numbuh 86! NUMBUH 86!" Nigel grabbed onto her to try and slow her down. Francine simply pushed him off. His antics got the attention of a staff member who grabbed hold of him. "What? No! You won't take me alive!"

The principal called in a parent conference. Monty was the one to answer it, and Mr. Fulbright was there, too.

"Nigel, I'm flabbergasted!" the principal said. "Why did you try and commit an act of violence against a fellow student; a girl, no less?"

"To keep her from reporting me to the secret police," Nigel said.

"There he goes again!" Mr. Fulbright said. "Sir, he keeps going on about some conspiracy about his next door neighbors or something and how adults are evil!"

"They are evil! And YOU'RE one of the worst!"

"Nigel, behave yourself!" Monty snapped.

"I bet he was the one who stole my treehouse along with everyone's memories!"

"Nigel, the treehouse is right in the yard! What on earth are you prattling on about?!"

"That's enough," the principal said. "If Nigel cannot tell the difference between fantasy and reality, then maybe we should have him talk to a professional. If Nigel continues like this, we insist on having him evaluated by a psychiatrist at Mercy General before he comes back in."

"Thank you, sir. This whole mess is rather frightening."

"You are dismissed."

Monty left the room, Nigel in tow. He took a brief moment to think to himself. _"_ _Nigel… what is happening to you?"_

A few days later, Nigel was in the office of the psychiatrist.. "So tell me more about yourself," he said. "What is the world like to you?"

"I swore an oath of secrecy," Nigel replied, arms crossed. "I won't tell anyone who's a threat."

"Come on, you can tell me. What happens in this meeting will stay in this meeting."

"Cross your heart and hope to die?"

"Cross my heart I won't tell anyone you don't want me to."

"Well, I'm actually Numbuh 1 of the Kids Next Door. I'm part of Sector V along with four other operatives in progressing numerical order. We fight against the tyranny of adults. However… one day I was fighting Nightbrace, and the next thing I knew, I woke up here."

"Fascinating. What makes these adults evil, then?"

"I… don't know. They just hate children. They never said why. They just… do. They don't hate their own children, though. Mr. Boss liked his kids even though one of them was an operative."

"And what would you consider life to be like outside this organization?"

"Umm… kinda boring, really. I go to school, wait for my next mission… I really don't have a life outside the Kids Next Door."

"Any friends from outside it?"

"Not exactly."

"And what of your parents? Are they evil, too?"

"Actually, no. Not at all. My father's practically clueless, but he wants to be a good dad. He used to be the greatest operative ever before his memory was erased."

"Memory erased?"

"When an operative turns 13, they have their memory erased by a specialist in a process called 'decommissioning.' Some of them escape the cracks and turn evil. Some of them turn evil shortly after they get decommissioned, too. There's usually some teenager strike force to recruit them."

"Hmm… how many actual adults are evil?"

"Honestly? Now that I think about it, not a lot. I know a really cool adult named Moosk, and the ones that aren't villains are actually just clueless."

"I think I get it now. May I see your father?"

"If you must."

The psychologist pushed a button on his intercom and said, "Montgomery Uno, please come to my office again. I have reached a conclusion."

Shortly afterwards, Monty entered the room.

"Well, I think I have an answer. Nigel appears to suffer from a Fantasy Prone Personality. In essence, it's where someone with an overactive imagination has difficulty separating fantasy from reality. In Nigel's case, I assess that he felt bored about his mundane life, so his subconscious created a fantasy that was more exciting to him."

"I don't understand… it seemed so real…" Nigel said.

"The thing is, someone with FPP has a vivid imaginative world with defined rules that often seems real. Monty, I suggest you try and spend more time with him. Show him that the real world can be just as fun as his imagination. Nigel, why don't you try making more friends at school? Get out more?"

"I will do that," Monty said.

"Now, Nigel, I'm going to warn you that the first steps will be hard. Basically, take everything you knew about this 'Kids Next Door' world and forget it. You'll see that the real world is actually a good place to live in."

"I see," Nigel said skeptically.

As the days went by, Nigel and his family engaged in several different activities. They went fishing, played the sousaphone, visited amusement parks, and overall had a good time. Nigel invited new kids over from school to have fun with him, playing video games, and Cops and Robbers, continuing to have a good time.

One day, Nigel and his family calmly enjoyed a quiet afternoon together. "Oh, Nigel my boy, I'm so glad to see everything's working out," Monty said.

"Me too," Nigel said. "That doctor was right. The real world _is_ a nice place to be."

"Indeed it is. Whelp, in a few minutes I'll need your help with the house. Uncle Benny's coming over and I'd like this place to look presentable. I'll need you around 4:00."

"Don't worry, I'll be on it! I'll just have some fun in my room until then."

"Goody, see you then!"

Nigel went up to his room, and lied down on his bed. Everything was going to be alright.

And then he realized something. "Uncle Benny? Benedict? Father!" Nigel shot up from bed and began to look unhinged. "Aaaaah, you clever adult you! Obviously, Father is the one who created this false reality to hold me in!" Nigel smiled a rather warped smile. "But I won't be trapped here for lo-o-o-ong! Heeheeheehee…"

Nigel rifled through the closet looking for something. "Ah, here we are! Dad's priceless bowling ball. The instrument of destruction."

Downstairs, Benedict came through the Front door.. "Hi, everyone!" he called..

Monty walked up to him and shook his hand. "Pleasure seeing you, Benny!" he said. "I hope you enjoy the look of our house. Nigel had a hand in it."

"It looks good. I wonder where he is now."

In fact, Nigel was on the staircase, holding the bowling ball in hand, ready to strike. "One good hit on the head, and no more Father, no more fake world! Heehee!"

As Benedict moved ever closer to the window sill, Nigel smiled more and more. Closer… closer… _closer_ …

However, Mrs. Uno noticed quickly enough. "Nigel, what are you doing up there with your father's bowling ball?"

"OH, FOR GOODNESS SAKE!" Nigel tried to toss it at Benedict, but he missed. "Drat! How did I miss?!"

"Nigel Uno, what is going on?!"

"He's the one! The one who created this delusion!"

Montgomery ran up and grabbed hold of him. "NIGEL UNO!" He looked at the others, pleadingly, apologetically, think of a word and said to the others, " This Kids Next Door delusion is not his fault!"

"That's not a delusion! The delusion is the world I'm in right now! This fake world! The world without the Kids Next Door!"

"Call the police!" someone shouted. Mrs. Uno obliged.

"No! You're making a mistake! It's not real! This isn't happening!" While Nigel railed, Benedict ran hiding from the terrifying child .Noticing his exit, Nigel pointed at Benny and shouted, "He's the monster! It's his fault!"

A Police Officer then entered the house. "Nigel Uno! Come here this instant!"

As Monty dragged Nigel, Nigel screamed. "NO! IT'S A LIE! THIS WORLD ISN'T REAL!"

Outside, the officers began pulling him into the car as Nigel struggled futilely. "Perhaps some time in a mental ward will help you back to reality."

"THIS ISN'T REALITY! THIS IS NOT THE REAL LIFE! THIS IS JUST FANTASY! FATHER'S THE BAD GUY! YOU'RE MAKING A MISTAKE! STOP! STOP IT!"

Numbuh 1 tossed and turned in his bed, having a horrible nightmare. "Stop… you have to stop…" He then woke up immediately, hyperventilating. He looked around the room and realized something. The walls were made of wood, his alarm clock was beeping; clearly he was in the Treehouse. And when he looked at his hand, it was normal. "That was… a dream?"

Numbuh 1 got out of bed. "Wait a minute. The doctor in the dream said I suffered from FPP, and couldn't tell the difference between reality and fantasy. What if… I'm still in a dream? I've dealt with layered dreams before, what if this is another layer? What is reality? What is fantasy?"

Numbuh 1 pondered for a while, but then heard his stomach growl. "Well, whatever it is, it isn't important. I'd better go get some breakfast.

It didn't matter. What was important was now. And right now, he was Numbuh 1, Kids Next Door leader of Sector V. That was his reality, and he was going to stick to it!

 **End Transmission**

* * *

 **The second part of the Halloween special. These two were designed to be actually scary.**

 **"In essence, he looked more like what we would consider a realistic person." Not live-action, but more realistic.**

 **""Hm, clearly whatever's going on is affecting everyone." Nigel said to himself." Characters in Kids Next Door frequently talk to themselves instead of using inner monologues. This time, however, because it is the real world, people can actually hear them.**

 **""By the way, you're acting surprisingly nice."" If Numbuh 86 acts the way she does because of something that happened to her as an operative, then if she wasn't one, she'd be quite different.**

 **"Nigel shot up from bed and began to look unhinged." At this point, the story starts to get really scary as Nigel becomes a psychopath.**


	3. Next Episode Preview

**Incoming Transmission**

Oi! It's me, Numbuh 4! Rainbow Monkeys popular! As if! Who's this Lucy Fur? And what's she up to, anyway? Check me out in **Operation: GIRLY!**

* * *

Numbuh 1 reporting for duty! Disappearing operatives, all because of this gambling guy? You wanna play a game, we'll play by YOUR rules! Beginning mission, **Operation: GAMES!**

 **End Transmission**


End file.
